Monday, 11 June 2012

Vague dreams (55 fiction)

Darkness enveloped her body, silence bit into her ears. Dreams of a happy marriage seemed distant and vague. A loving husband was all she desired. Some care. Some concern. But he wanted more from her. She gave him all she could. But he was hungry for more.

" Newly wed woman burnt to death for dowry"


crying, eye, girl, sad, sadness
Source: givemeachocolat.tumblr.com


 P.S - My first attempt at 55 fiction. Let me know what you think of it.





22 comments:

  1. poignant and hard hitting.. well done!

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  2. I think it is really good! Heartbreaking.

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  3. good try--Jessy! Now, it would have been nice to connect the last line to the first line by somehow referring to heat, scorching of flesh or some such thing. You see the para starts with something cold and does not have enough time to flame into heat!

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    Replies
    1. Point noted. will remember this when I try writing fiction the next time. Thank you so much for you valuable feedback. :)

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  4. Hey I think its touching! Nicely written..
    http://itswhereiscribble.wordpress.com/

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  5. Hello Jessy. i am here via Indiblogger. The topic u opted is very relevant one..Best wishes

    Tomz
    www.vanitymoments.com

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  6. Man's hunger is terrible, isn't it? But I have seen women with greater hunger!

    No offence, please. Just a truth I learnt from life. The fact is that most human beings are hungry, irrespective of sex or gender differences. To whom does power belong - that's the problem. It belongs to man! Unfortunately.

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    Replies
    1. I agree with you. Human hunger is terrible indeed. One want leads to another, and so it goes on. Little do we realize that we came with nothing and will leave this world with nothing some day.

      Thank you for putting down your views.

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  7. A heart breaking piece, but very well put, Jessy :))

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  8. Such a powerful piece Jessy. It was a real pleasure to read- and I actually love the closing line on the burning, because its unexpected, and therefore all the more powerful.

    For every Indian reader here, it will resonate real quick.

    ~deviousDiv

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  9. Ah, awesome....perfect. 10 on 10.
    That line "silence bit into her ears' is superbly woven. Following you now :)

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